I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
