im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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