I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize