I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
