Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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