thus making me awesome and them whores
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just gargled with NyQuil
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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