So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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