For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
try to milk me bitch
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
