i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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