OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
