Screwed.edu
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
