That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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