The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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