god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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