i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
