You just made me feel so damn special
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
