i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
