Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
