I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
