I wish life had little blips of pornography
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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