wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
