He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
