where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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