Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
