he puts the penis in happiness.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
