I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
