Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
