Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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