Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
