You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
