When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize