I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
