he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
