everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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