May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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