that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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