omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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