AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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