The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize