Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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