maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
