Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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