operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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