she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
