I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
