the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
