If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
