I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
