She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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