apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
