I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
