dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
