Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
