Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
