Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
