you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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