I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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