I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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