make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
