Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
