I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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