Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
