i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
