Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
