So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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