whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
