Sry I called you an 8
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize