His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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