maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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