Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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