I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Text me some of your sweat
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
