New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
