I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's never too late to be topless.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
