i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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