walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
